Margaret

I finished the roll of toilet paper and told myself I should really go get another roll and replenish the supply. But I just couldn't be bothered. Surely the person who uses the bathroom next will do it. I'll do it when it's necessary. Later...I just do it later.

I got home from uni and changed my shirt. I threw the dirty shirt into the wash basket, but it accidentally landed on the floor. I should really just pick it up. But that means bending over. It's not like the floor is so dirty anyway. I'll just do it later before i go to bed. Later...not right now.

I'm sitting next to someone who seems friendly enough. I should really tell this person about Jesus right now because I probably won't see them again. But I can't be bothered right about now. It's just takes too much effort to have to think about clever ways of explaining stuff. And I'm just going to get myself worked up. I mean I was supposed to have the night off. I'm off-duty. I'm tired. There will be others. There'll be other opportunities later. Another time, perhaps...

I recently went to a play put on by university students who were part of an Indian cultural society. A friend of mine was acting in the play as one of the main characters, so in a show of support I decided to go. I thought the play itself, which was based on the life of a famous Indian king, would be insightful. I knew little about Indian culture and history and perhaps this would help me engage better with the Indian community in the future. Though I had no one to go with, I decided to swallow my pride and just go by myself.

I entered the auditorium and found a seat next to the aisle near the back. The seating was unallocated, so I could have sat anywhere, but I wanted to be inconspicuous. I was trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible. I sat for about 20 minutes until the hall gradually filled with people. Eventually an older lady sat next to me. She was polite. We exchanged names and I found out that she was virtually in the same position as me. She was also flying solo tonight.

After a some chatting about surface issues, she randomly dropped a question on me. Have you ever been to "Event X". (For the purposes of anonymity let's say Event X is a large annual event held by a certain charismatic church.) Surprised that Maggie brought up a church related topic herself, I didn't really not what to make of it. I replied 'no' and we moved onto another topic. After a while, we lulled into an awkward silence, but luckily the show was finally beginning.

In the back of my mind there was still intermission to go through. I would have to make awkward conversation again. It would be okay, I still had another ten superficial conversational topics to get through before I was completely dry. But then I started thinking, why not talk about Jesus? I mean, she was the one who raised it. What on earth am I waiting for? Just do it. Think nike damn it.

And then I did the whole Woody Allen thing where I start rationalising it in my head. Why ruin a perfectly good night? We're both just here to watch the show. No need for any deep and meaningful conversations. I mean I'm not even that into talking right now. I'm tired. It's late. It'll be awkward. Why not just avoid the thing altogether? I mean if she's Christian already, then what's the point, yeah? Do I really have to? Etc, etc, etc. I was so distracted by my own thoughts that I practically couldn't even concentrate on what was happening in the play.

Anyway, intermission came. I got over myself. We had dinner (which was provided by the show organisers). We talked about church life. I talked about my church. She talked about her's. I talked about my reservations about charismatic churches. She tried to explain her position and she was pretty involved in the church. She kept inviting me to Event X. When things get tough, talk about Jesus. So I raised it and we talked about Jesus right up until intermission was over. Overall, it wasn't a super edifying conversation, but at least we talked about Jesus. That's can't be all bad.

People are so lazy these days that instead of typing out "can't be bothered" in full, we have invented the internet chat acronym "cbb". I once even overheard in conversation someone say verbatim "Sorry, I really C-B-B at the moment." When we off-put and delay action, most of the time it's inconsequential. So the washing is one day late, no big deal. But it's concerning when we can't even be bothered to tell others about the way of life. With our indifference, we skirt on the edges of devaluing the cross of Christ.